How to Have Dirtier Sex

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All sex is great in the beginning. When your relationship is fresh, new positions are enough to keep you both interested and satisfied. But as the years pass, it’s all too usual to find yourself stuck with a sex life routine.

Here, sex and relationships experts offer some advice for adding a little spice to your sex life.

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The Talk

If you pull out your new thoughts in the moment, her startled reaction may frighten you both away from dirty sex for another few years. Here’s a better idea: Discuss your ideas and turn-ons before you hit the lights. You can start the conversation over a glass of wine at a romantic dinner or in some other place where both of you feel comfortable and relaxed. It might be easier to begin this talk with relatively tame fantasies or role-playing ideas. It may also help to ask her what she’s into first. When it’s your turn, be positive and confident about what you’re into. If you make a big deal about asking or you look feared once you make the request that could make her nervous.

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The Preparation

Watching some porn or reading erotica together may help charge you both up and make it much easier to talk about new ideas. Chances are good your partner’s interested in this stuff even if she’s never discussed it with you. And it’s a lot easier to say “I like that” while watching or reading about sex than it is to describe your fantasy in detail. Once you’ve agreed on some new moves to try, do your part. Whether you’re trying anal sex for the first time or a new toy, there are right and wrong ways to go about things. Knowing the pits ahead of time is the easiest way to avert them. And unless your fantasies perfectly arrange, it may help to split your new sex attempts into his nights and her nights. Starting with your partner’s desires may be a good way to show her this is about the both of you, and may make her more enthusiastic when it’s your turn.

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The Details

Children are a kink-killer, so dropping them with your parents or getting away to a hotel for a night can help you and your partner disconnect from your distractions. A hotel is also a good idea because new places mean new experiences.  It’s also smart to set ground rules how far each of you is ready to go and to make a safe word. This way, you can be sure you’re both enjoying yourselves and havingwonderful time without having to stop every few minutes to ask, “Are you ok with this?”


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